1. Mobile Phones
Not only is there a possibly allergic reaction to nickel, but you also have low levels of radiation to worry about. Symptoms of allergic reaction could include dermatitis, urticari (red or white welts on your skin), redness and itchiness. Other symptoms could include headaches, fatigue and ringing in the ears. The proposed solution? Short-term relief from corticosteroids is the medical solution. Technology says using radiation shields via handless headsets or speaker phones might help. However, the ultimate solution would be talk to more people in person and fewer on the phone…yeah right, uh huh, sure, and maybe you could give up sex too.
Uh oh. It does seem as if sex can trigger allergies, even though what is called “human seminal plasma hypersensitivity” is actually an allergic reaction to semen, which would mean your girlfriend or wife (or both!) could develop rashes, burning sensation, hives, welts, and swelling. Solution is abstinence…or maybe stop showering.
Kissing itself might also carry risk if the person you are kissing is actually bringing into your mouth banned medications, foods, and cosmetics that trigger allergies. In theory, if you had a peanut allergy and your girlfriend made out with you, you would absorb all the allergenic properties in her deadly kiss. Poison Ivy in real life. Solution, do it like a porn star.
Also on the “avoid if you want to live list” is eating healthy, apparently. Pollen allergies can turn into oral allergy syndrome, which is triggered by eating a fruit that has the same protein as the pollen. The foods in question are everything you’re probably eating now, from bananas to tomatoes, apples, peaches and plums. Symptoms include itchy throat and mouth and lip swelling. The solution would be to eat more veggies and less fruit, since cooking and peeling the layers (as with vegetables) tends to minimize the allergens.
Well they already busted you for pot and sex, so of course, alcohol made the list. Studies show that alcohol, and especially red wine and beer, can trigger allergies in people sensitive to sulfites. Gluten, wheat, histamine, yeast and grape allergies are also possible irritants. Solution: you could be like more like Donald Trump and abstain from everything, just being a prick to everyone you meet in life.
6. Good Weather
The only thing left to take from you is good weather and a happy day. Turns out your allergies are more irritated by dry, sunshiny and breezy days. This means more pollen allergens in the air and the wind makes sure you have an increased risk of breathing them in. Solution: be more emo and spend time outside when it’s stormy and rainy, since this weather actually gets rid of a lot of pollen in the air.
7. Holiday Decorations
Hold on, we’re not actually saying celebrating Christmas makes Historically Accurate Jesus cry. We’re simply saying that scented candles, incense and a lot of cheap to moderately priced holiday decorations can irritate the lining lining of your nasal passages and eyelids and make your allergies worse. Solution: avoid too much décor and spend more time buying gifts for people, since that’s what they really remember.